9/2/14

Missed Connection:

It was Tuesday night.  Naturally, I was at a bar having a few beers after marathoning season 2 of Orphan Black (should it end up working out between us, I suggest you do the same, it's quite good).  I was there for my friend's trivia night, you were there to get drunk (and win me over!).  Your friend was outside puking on the sidewalk - I both saw her and heard you talking to your other friends.  You were sitting at the end of the bar, laughing about it, but sympathizing with her in spirit, I'm certain.  The crowd dispersed.  I noticed you immediately as I took a seat at the bar, partly because it was a pretty slow night at the bar, partly because you seemed to only speak only at an 11, which you see, is one louder than 10.  You were different than the rest; you did not approach me.  You did not ask me if I was from Tennessee, or outer space, or if it hurt when I fell from heaven.  We made eye contact a few times, but beyond that you left me alone in this world to replay the events of the evening again and again my mind.  As I unknowingly sipped my drink, dreaming of being swept off my feet by the kind of man you only see in movies, Cupid shot his arrow deep into my heart.  The very first thing you said that caught my attention: "When women ask you how old they are, you always have to add a few years.  That way you put them in their place."  Though you did not say this directly to me, I still gasped.  Probably aloud!  My cheeks are reddening even now at the very thought of you possibly noticing me swooning only two barstools to your left.  How did you know that us women long to be "put in our place?!?"  That we lie in bed each night and each morning praying to whatever belief system we acknowledge to be nothing other than put in our place!  How did you know that all we really want from men are veiled insults about our appearance accompanied by your condescending tone? SISTERS: I thought these were secrets that we all agreed to tell NO man! Needless to say I was amazed at how clearly and deeply you were capable of seeing into women's hearts and souls. How I yearn to one day be loved and cared for by such an honorable man as yourself! While my initial thought was that you must have had a significant amount of personal training from VH1's Pick-Up Artist, my next thought was of course "how do I make this virtuous man who respects women my own?"  And so I'll leave you with one final question, oh object of my affection: How old do you think I am?

Sincerely,

whitegirl1 (VH1 and I go way back)