7/19/14

Missed Connection:

It was another Saturday night and I had spent the better part of my evening readying myself for San Diego Comic-Con for the following week.  (I bet you didn't even know this about me, but don't worry, all in due time.)  As I entered the bar, I noticed there was something different about the night's crowd than those who typically frequent Durty Nelly's Irish Pub on most weekends.  I soon found out that the classiest of weddings chose to reconvene at said karaoke bar post-wedding, which I can only imagine was remarkably high class as the groomsmen all sported backwards white "Angels" baseball caps and the bridesmaids were adorned in a white lace number I am fairly certain I saw at Forever 21 the other day.  After a few drinks, I realized that I was probably not going to meet you (for who else could I be waiting for??) here, so I determined that it was time to take my leave.  As I made my way to the exit, visibly disappointed (but prematurely so!) that our paths had not yet crossed, you unknowingly blocked my way.  In retrospect, perhaps you did know!  Maybe that is why upon my third request for you to kindly let me pass and persevere on my thus far desolate journey for love, you looked at me with Fireball Whiskey (you just seemed like that kind of guy) filled eyes, winked, and spoke those six little words every girl wants to hear:  "Where the FUCK are YOU going??"  I had clearly just taken away your breath and any ounce of eloquence you possessed away with it.  I looked (nay, I must have swooned!) at you in disbelief and silently noted your Justin Bieber-like appearance - and now disposition - and as I stumbled to find my next words you grabbed my hand.  No doubt you were thinking that once your skin touched mine I would have no choice but to remain at the bar and your side forever, or at least until the cruel hand of fate ripped us apart.  You were of course, right, but I, being the stubborn fool that I am instead pulled my hand away, rolled my eyes and said "somewhere that's not here."  What I MEANT was, "where have you been all my life my knight in shining armor?"  So, my dearest JB, I ask you in earnest:  When the FUCK are we going out again?  I'll be waiting, with a shot of Fireball just for you.

Sincerely,

Gone Girl